Virginia Is For Lovers

If you build it, they will come (to Lake Anne).

Passion is a complicated matter.  It is one thing to feel passionate about one's community but quite another to be communal in one's passion.  

As such, just a few steps from and  might be a little too titillating for the locals.

It is possible that t is the spiciest thing we are prepared to host at Reston's seminal lakefront community.

For the proprietor of what was to be one of Lake Anne's newest retail establishments, Reston's appetite for the risque may become very clear.  We will lavish effusive praise on the oral pleasure of The 's wares, but we might find that we are more ego-driven than id-driven.

In actuality we sort of disapprove of driving in general and prefer walking and biking.  We're also partial to running our mouths and jumping to conclusions.  Reston is quirky and opinionated, but never actively seductive.  So, you see, more erratic than erotic.  

We may not be all that keen on having either a place to purchase marital aids nor in having a place in which to convene a discussion of their care and maintenance.  We're not a latex-and-leather kind of place.  We're more organic cotton and hemp.  We worry about chafing and orthopedic support.

Edible underwear is not always on the menu.  Is it low-carb?  Gluten-free? Organic? Does it have a tummy-control panel? OK, now we've totally lost interest.  

Besides, it would just make us all feel worse about ourselves to have purchased the items in question and then discover much later that we have kept them past their "best used by" date.   

And while we may indeed lack a toy store, this combination of filling a retail void and providing additional party space is not really the synergism we may have sought.  

Every third person drives a Prius for the simple reason that the loud humming of motors already embarrasses us.  We're very concerned about emissions.     

Besides, we're sufficiently critical of our neighbors for their lax recycling habits and poor deck maintenance.  We won't be gentle about seeing our preschool teachers and chiropractors emanating from Lake Anne's newest non-franchise business.  

We care about the wattage of each other's lightbulbs, but we do not want to know what turns Reston on.  It is not that we would not benefit from learning the truth, but I fear that we, as a community, can't handle the truth.  We lack that kind of spunk.

We're eco-friendly, but not all that comfortable with biology.  Unfortunately for the vast world of adult retailers with an interest in revitalizing Lake Anne, our liberal tendencies lean more toward being green than being blue.

It may be the case that we're not tolerant enough to support such a store.  I'm not sure if we're too grown up or not adult enough.  Either way, this store may just have arrived prematurely.

Then again, maybe we're just anti-climactic.

Amanda Hamm July 19, 2011 at 08:23 PM
Great job, once again! I almost didn't read this article due to the pic of the scary clown waiting to greet us...but I got over my fear (momentarily) to read this edition. :)
leslie sogandares July 19, 2011 at 08:41 PM
Now hold on a minute, Mrs. VE. If we declare intimacies such as those which require the help of these toys, ahem, aids, a competitive sport, and set up viewing stations inside the most successful competitors' master bedrooms, I bet plenty of Restonians would sign up. We are, indeed, a sporty lot!
Karen Goff July 19, 2011 at 08:47 PM
Yeah, what she said. But that is for tomorrow's column.
Dorothea July 19, 2011 at 09:56 PM
Loved the article! And I also acknowledge the trepidation felt when faced by the scary clown on the page. :)
Carolyn Lawson Low July 19, 2011 at 10:01 PM
Maybe the creepy clown is the proposal to keep it a kid-free area?
Justine van Engen July 19, 2011 at 10:06 PM
I can neither confirm nor deny the edible nature of the clown's undergarments.
Friends of the Reston Regional Library July 20, 2011 at 12:16 AM
I rarely laugh out loud for Patch, but Ms. vE, you caused just that! All who are commenting elsewhere on this issue might just need to acquire a sense of humor. Perhaps a shop that sells those?
Justine van Engen July 20, 2011 at 02:29 AM
1) Yes, I live in Reston. 2) Yes, I have been to the Town Center. 3) No, I have I have been to Lake Anne on many occasions and for many different reasons. 4) No, I have never been to any store like the ones you are describing. However, I have been to the stores mentioned in the article. 5) No, thank you. Writing is hard enough for me without having to go to any store before commencing the activity. 6) No, Ma'am, I do not. 7) Yes, I have been to Lake Anne at night. I was not scared.
Karen Goff July 20, 2011 at 02:38 AM
Anne- to whom are you directing your question? and why so angry? Also, this is a humor column. Much of what the writer is saying is a metaphor. Thanks for reading.
Lisa Savarese Conselatore July 20, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Anne...what in the world is going on with such anger? Lake Anne is a lovely place day or night. But more to the topic here and in reference to the other article currently garnishing a great deal of anger--this shop in question isn't the central office for the pimps of Northern Virginia to send their 'consultants' off into the night for business. It's just a shop which appears to be geared toward couples. It's not advocating brown paper packages under the arms of lonely men stealing off into the wee hours of the morning hiding their perversions. If Maria's shop has drummed up this much discussion, whether VE's humorous version or the other article of much more pointed disgusted, then it's probably going to drum up publicity and customers for Lake Anne as well. Relax a little bit and see how this pans out. It could be a very positive addition to the area. As far as the kids are concerned, I never see them more interested in anything than the fountain and the steps to the lake. If they have questions, answer them in age appropriate language like you would about any adult topic. If there mere existence of anything of a sexual nature is the essential problem here, then the problems in Reston aren't at the Plaza, they're in the bedrooms.
Amanda Hamm July 20, 2011 at 11:58 AM
It just goes to show some people put out anger in any situation. Many of the readers on here need to relax and realize that there are things to get upset over, but 98% of the time it's okay to have a laugh. Maybe you should take your anger to another place, Anne...
LD July 20, 2011 at 01:11 PM
where's "Anne"s comment? I'm lost on the follow up comments
Karen Goff July 20, 2011 at 01:16 PM
Looks like it was deleted. She was really angry about Lake Anne and whatnot.
Justine van Engen July 20, 2011 at 01:18 PM
LD, She may have removed it. It said, "Do you really live in reston...have you ever been to the RTC? Do you only go to Lake Anne when there is a farmers market? Have you been to some of those cheap stores that sell knockoffs and stuff that looks like it's way past it's sell by date...go to the stores at Lake Anne then write your article...You live in a vacuum!!! Ever go late at night...it's a scary place....even in the day time it can be scary..."
LD July 20, 2011 at 01:26 PM
hahah.. ahhh.. It cracks me up how angry people can be on these boards. I love reading the Patch everyday; so thanks Karen & Justine. I'm a recent transplant from up north so these keeps me informed of what's going on in the 'hood because I don't have many local friends... yet. Ask my husband, he says all I say is, "I read on the Patch...." Plus, the comments make for good reading while drinking my morning coffee! Keep up the good job!
Karen Goff July 20, 2011 at 01:35 PM
long-time Restonian July 20, 2011 at 04:23 PM
Thanks for a truly laugh-out-loud opinion piece! When discussing this shop, why do so many people assume the worst and discuss the out-liers (i.e., perverts, pimps, porn, etc.)? I doubt this type of shop would attract those types of people. I assume the store front display will be tasteful and appropriate - probably more so than Victoria's Secret! I frequent Lake Anne, with my kids, and will continue to do so if the shop opens. But I digress - Justine, I appreciate your wit and wisdom!


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