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There's A Drill For That

There should be a way of practicing for all of life's disasters.

I received the email just like every parent did.  Today, our students practiced the lockdown procedure, a drill for the horrifying possibility that an intruder or other malevolent force would be on the premises and thus endanger the students.

It is an idea too scary to entertain and the fact that a drill had to be developed to address the potential event makes me ill.

But it does make me think.

If our kids are practicing for the worst moments of their lives in order to make them a little safer and better prepared, then maybe the drill agenda should expand a little.

First Break-Up Drill - All students should be forced to stand in front of a mirror and recite, "I am better off on my own."  They should be instructed that all meals, rituals of hygiene, study behaviors, and the general rotation of the planet will continue regardless of the terrible event.

Students should also note that the person in question will undoubtedly regret the decision even if he or she nevers appears to do so. 

College Rejection Letter Practice - While everyone knows that Seahawks are coveted acquisitions at all colleges near and far, should one of our own ever receive this sort of painful missive, it is important that each student be prepared.  

Apply early and copiously.  Never refer to any institution as the "safety school" lest it become known in the future as the "alma mater." Realize that it will hurt but it is not personal.

Life is Not High School Drill - Although it seems that the opposite is true, Seahawks will actually rely far more on what they learned on their own than they learned within the school's walls.  It is all about the homework.  

In anticipation of leaving SLHS, Seahawks should practice doing their own laundry, learning how to speak to people who have jobs to offer, and managing whatever money they have.

 Mastering these three tasks will ultimately be more useful than a stellar GPA or having been popular among people who aren't even allowed to vote. 

Carlos Piqur September 28, 2011 at 02:10 PM
You are welcome for the opportunity. That is the kind of guy I am, watching out for you.
John Farrell September 28, 2011 at 02:18 PM
Actually, your district school board member is deeply involved in the selection/retention of principals at every school in their district and any school where large number of their constituents attend. We have a group of high school principals who have created a punitive/prison like atmosphere at our high schools. Their latest move in that direction is surveillance cameras. With this mind set being so pervasive, only substantial changes in personnel can accomplish a change in culture. And yet there are exceptions to that culture. The community needs to identify those who are part of the destructive culture and who is not.
The Convict September 28, 2011 at 03:46 PM
Big deal. When I was in elementary school, we had air raid drills on a weekly basis. I'm not sure how hiding under our tables was going to save our tender posteriors in the case of a Soviet first strike, but it's got to be a helluva lot worse than anything that a Klebold/Harris Wannabe could do.
Melissa Hammond Gifford September 28, 2011 at 03:49 PM
Enjoyed this column, Justine - Clever and funny, as always:-)
Arielle Masters September 28, 2011 at 05:30 PM
Love your new drills :->

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