Snow Days for Tiger Moms

I am probably somewhere between a Sloth Mom and a Hyena Mom.  That is to say, that I can be a little slow and contemplative in my parenting methodology and am sometimes prone to just feasting on the efforts of other more ambitious parents.

Anyway, here is what my children actually did today:

Youngest Child is still in her pajamas and may have had chocolate frosting and Cheetos for breakfast.  That may have also been her lunch.  She made a fort out of couch cushions, colored pictures of princesses and learned dance moves from Teen Nick.

Middle Child did her homework, Facebooked until her father needed the computer, tied the dogs together and timed how long it took them to separate from one another (the timer was at 13 minutes when I made her undo the leashes), and made a Funfetti cake using Pam instead of oil (her fingers were sore from spraying for so long)

Oldest Child slept until his compulsion to XBox woke him at 11:00 a.m.  He ate half the Funfetti cake and a box of cereal and is now doing algebra homework and hoping for another sheet of ice to form on our local roads so that he can repeat his day tomorrow without the nasty interruption of an education...or a shower.

Tuesday 11:30 a.m.

Due to ice pellets falling all night, we have .  Feel free to cuddle up with books around the fireplace and consume homemade baked goods.   Alternatively, you may scramble to find a telecommuting option which your boss will accept and plant each of your children in front of a screen for the rest of the day.

However, if you are in a struggle with Amy Chua for producing the most enviable work product (some people call them “children”), here are some options for how to spend your day:

1)       Send those future Nobel Laureates outside with a magnifying glass and a notebook to collect proof that, indeed, no two snowflakes are alike. 

2)      Piano and violin are instruments and any dolt can create music from these given a proclivity toward rote memorization and an unhinged middle-aged lady bellowing threats.  You need to Google “Stradivarius” and/or “Steinway” and see if your genius can make these instruments out of any of the non-native plants which your neighbor has so carelessly allowed to grow.

3)      Make play dough out of flour, water, food coloring and a little oil.  Allow your children to indulge in creative expression.  Then, pick up whatever they have made, sneer at the workmanship, artistry, and effort and hurl it across the room.  Make them recreate Michelangelo’s David (without the naughty bits) until they get it right.

4)      Have your children read all of Shakespeare’s “problem plays.”  Make them solve the problems.

5)      Introduce them to Fermat’s Last Theorem and let them know that he would have solved it if he really loved his mom.

6)      Have them map their genetic code and then create haiku poems thanking you for such great DNA.

7)      Debate whether the Oxford Comma is necessary when one is choosing between Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.