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Community Corner

No Sympathy From the Devil

Even Hades has his hometown pride.

I appreciate that you all feel comfortable speaking on behalf of my community but I need to elucidate a few crucial differences between Hades and Reston.  

While we are both planned communities named for our founders, it would be helpful if you folks would not take every opportunity during the summer months to liken your location to ours.

Firstly, and I cannot believe I have to say this yet again, it's a dry heat.  Sure, we have flames which sear the flesh and molten earth charring the bones of our residents, but we have almost no humidity.  I don't know how you people stand it up there!

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Secondly, you think you have population density issues?  Between the dictators and the Wall Street swindlers, you can't swing a cat without hitting someone who is down here because they are the kind of person who would actually swing a cat.  It's crowded.

Our planning commission (Inferno Through Eternity) projects that Damned is the single most quickly growing demographic. Where are we going to put them all?  

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The folks at the Lake of Fire have already retained an attorney (Yes, it's true that we have no shortage) claiming that something in their Faustian Contract prohibits us from accepting any more Congressmen, but where else are those souls supposed to go?  It's not like they can get into the other place.

Thirdly, you may think that your homeowners association is restrictive, but we've got a whole other thing going on down here.  The only permissible building material?  Brimstone.  Our color palette?  Black, Sable, Charcoal, Midnight, Ebony, Slate and Onyx.  

These people don't own anything as they have already sold their souls, but are still paying until the end of time.  And you think your cluster meetings are excrutiating?  Ours are literally Pandemonium.

So, I understand that the weather is a little oppressive right now.  I know that you think that a day spent with a heat index of 106 is a curse.

Just take it from me.  It could be a hell of a lot worse. 

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