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Community Corner

Life as a Slacker in a Planned Community

Dear Diary,

Wednesday 7:30 p.m.

Dear Diary,

OMG!  This school year is already awesome.  Guess who my new BFF is now.  Restonian !!!!!!!!!  We're totally texting and emailing all the time now.  We're also going to the big show together in December.  It's so awesome when the popular people notice you.

Find out what's happening in Restonwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

I'm totally going to wear my jeggings.

*************

Find out what's happening in Restonwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Wednesday 2:00 p.m.

You know who's funny here in Reston?  Smart?  Topical?  Irreverent but never mean?  that's who.

That guy (and by "guy" I mean  "person whose identity I promise to neither reveal nor intentionally obscure") is a good writer.  Who wouldn't want to spend five minutes with someone like that?  That person knows all kinds of things that we do not – what the E. in Robert E. Simon stands for, how to translate whatever language the Reston Association speaks into English, exactly what those drawings of the Reston Metro (coming soon, for real) mean, and how to put polka dots in DRB-approved colors on your website.

Restonian is someone I read regularly.  I learn and laugh and learn why I'm laughing.  I admire the work that goes into making the site must-see bloggery.  Furthermore, I am secure enough in my own perspective to know that what I do is different and , thus, I remain admiring without an ounce of jealousy.  Until now.

When the fall program schedule from the Reston Community Center arrived in my mailbox this weekend and I saw Reston:  The Opera listed among the offerings, I swear I heard a chorus of angels.  I promised myself to see it.  I promised myself to talk to everyone I know about seeing it.  I promised to post a countdown of days until we could all sit in a darkened room and see it together.

  But this column started and I had other topics to blab about and I missed my opportunity.  Yesterday, Restonian not only posted of the existence of this unique performance, the fiendish individual of hereto-unspecified gender, age, physical description or any other identifying information actually wrote a mock scene from the opera.  Rhyming.  Stage Direction.  Mention of Macaroni Grill.  The word "defenestration."  Everything that comprises comedy gold resided before me on the screen.

So, now I am left with this meager option.  Please, Person-who-I-may-or-may-not-have-ever-met-before, would you please be my guest at the theater?  Assuming the following:  1) that the powers that be at Patch will still support the existence of this column in three months' time; 2) that tickets to the fabulous performance are still available; and 3) that sufficient security measures can be implemented to protect the identities of the parties involved, I would like to invite Restonian to attend the opera as my guest for the purpose of writing a collaborative review the likes of which has never been seen (in Reston).

So, what do you say?  In exactly 12 weeks from tonight, the curtain will lift on this glorious spectacle.  Be there or be square (when the Cluster regulations specifically dictate that you be rectangular).

 

 *************

Tuesday 6:00 p.m.

Guess what came home today from the first day of school.  If you said, "a ream of forms requesting information that has already been provided," then you are right.  There were the requisite health forms, emergency contact forms, and the cryptically titled form "For Families in Uncertain Housing."  

There is also the tricky form that allows parents to opt their students out of Family Life Education, but only if they fill out some more forms.  That alone stops me in my tracks.

However, this year we had some special memos come home too.  Apparently, Fairfax County Public Schools are trying to save a little money on the cost of public health initiatives by getting parents to diagnose scoliosis in their children.   A lavender-colored "Scoliosis Fact Sheet" instructs us to inspect our children's posture for asymmetry. 

Now, in no way do I mean to diminish the importance of this health problem and, in fact, I read a particularly poignant Judy Blume novel on the subject as a teen and was constantly running my fingers up and down my spine so often I was checked for scabies.  

However, we Fairfax County parents have a tendency to be a bit alarmist.  This, combined with the fact that excellence in posture is not a trademark of adolescent appearance, makes me hesitant to add diagnostic responsibilities to the list of Back-to-School activities for parents.

To further exacerbate the problem, the sketches of the condition at the bottom of the sheet seem to indicate that scoliosis compresses the torso and shifts the weight of the individual until it concentrates in the hindquarters.  Awesome.  Now, in response to my daughter's question "Does this make my butt look big?" I will be able to reassure her "No, honey, that's just the scoliosis."

************* 

Tuesday 12:00 p.m.

At the risk of picking a particularly low-hanging fruit, I feel compelled to comment on the recent problems at the Virginia DMV.  While I am so glad that our always positive editor at Patch is reporting that the DMV is now operational, I would like to ask what monumental changes have occurred to render that particular branch of the Commonwealth "operational" because that is one place that is hard to describe without using the word "cluster."

However, because I'm a team player and Ms. Goff runs a tight ship, I'm going to offer my constructive comments on how to make the experience a little better for all of us.

Firstly, when patrons enter and are given a number, I would ask that there be some indication based on chronology as to when one's turn might come up.  Is A402 before or after D13?  This issue is made particularly confusing by the fact that the current customer is E4.  Unless someone shows up with questions as to how to finance a car or fix a transmission, there are simply not so many functions that the DMV provides that we need a bunch of subsets.

Secondly, if we are going to be there for a while, can someone please provide frozen drinks upon entry?  Okay, I'm not a complete moron.  The people who are there to take a driving test can't have them, but the rest of us need something and I am sure that the wait will be sufficiently long for most people to metabolize a daiquiri.

Thirdly, in these trying economic times, let's consider a joint venture between the Virginia Lottery and the DMV.  In addition to the multi-million dollar prize, there could be a VIP pass to the front of the line.  One year, no waiting.  It will be like Charlie's Golden Ticket for grown-ups. 

Lastly, if there are never going to be 13 employees working at any given time, please do not taunt an already-agitated crowd with that number of stations.   Times are tough and the government cannot always be at full employment.  I get that.  However, please do not tease us with the possibility that the wait could be shorter if only employees number two, seven, and 12 had a little more help.

See you in line.   Are you bringing the blender or am I?  I'm also taking suggestions.  What else can we do to help our friends at the DMV?

************* 

Hi, my name is Justine van Engen, and I'll be your cruise director for this portion of the journey.  I will be checking in daily with my perspective on life in Reston.

How does one get such a prime gig?  Well, I got the job the old-fashioned way.  My BFF is the editor of this site and she can't write anything snarky here, so I was next in line. 

In truth, I possess a BA in English from Georgetown University and an MFA in Creative Writing from American University. I live in Reston, I do business in Reston,  have three children at three different schools in Reston and I work cheaply,  so I'm your girl.

My kids are 13, 11 and almost 4.  Yes, you did read that correctly.  I live with a teen, a tween and a toddler.  When my oldest child enters college, his baby sister will be a second grader.  It's not being the oldest mom on the field trip that worries me, but rather being the mom who has to explain to the day care why my child knows the complete works of Lady Gaga.

Speaking of Reston's finest junior members, please allow me to introduce you to the one we refer to as our "Bonus Child."  She spends her days at Reston Children's Center, where this year all the preschool classes are named for professions in the community.

When last year's theme was "Being Green,"  she spent part of the year as a Solar Panel.  However, this year she will be working hard as a Therapy Dog, which either means that our community is so professional that even our pets are employed or that we are so progressive that our canines require help sorting through their daddy issues. 

Next in line is my overachiever.  Great student.  Soccer player.  Aspiring television personality.  She's a rising sixth grader at Forest Edge Elementary, where they are going to Hemlock Overlook on Sept. 17. 

However, since the teachers have to justify each second they do not spend cramming Standards of Learning facts or shortcuts into Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology into students' heads, the permission slip states the purpose of the field trip as follows:   "To promote teamwork, friendship, cooperation, and citizenship."  Really?  Weren't the kids in Lord of the Flies 12 years old too? 

Leading the pack is my son, an eighth grader at Langston Hughes Middle School, where kids learn all about how the pecking order works because, with only two grades in the school, every child is either a hammer or a nail.  With half of middle school behind us, my son would desperately love to arc through the air with the force of forged steel but will probably only manage the dull ping of that old-fashioned tool doctors used to test patients' reflexes. 

My favorite thing about Hughes is that they do not sugarcoat their mission and thus the building itself looks like the architect took the plans for San Quentin and Fort Knox, melded them together and then put up the obligatory pastel mural about volunteerism next to the office.

I think Reston is awesome in the true sense of the word.  I am inspired by the genius that both planned and desired it.  I am humbled by the scope of its statement of what community should be.  I am proud of its history and philosophy. 

I am also laughing out loud at us all.

---

Justine van Engen is only one woman. This first installment of "About Town" centers on the small space in her family, which takes her lots of places in Reston.

Future entries will include the larger community - you. So please send us your opinions, tips, items, thoughts, photos and videos that show the good, the bad and the "only in Reston" of Reston. Talk to her at justine.vanengen@gmail.com

 

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